im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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