Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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