You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
