He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
