and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
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