He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
