She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
