Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
