I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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