Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
