my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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