she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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