You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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