Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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