Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just pynch a tree in the face
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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