Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
