My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
