I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
