He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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