What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
