i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
