Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
is wine microwaveable?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
