I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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