i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
