There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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