Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
