I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
