Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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