but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
