***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
