I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize