I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
