i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
