you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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