I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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