we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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