Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
