The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
