i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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