Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
