If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
