first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
