he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
