while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
