come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
