Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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