I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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