tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
