Four minutes until I can fart!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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