my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
