There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
