I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
