i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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