Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think my vagina is haunted
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize