If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
