the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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