naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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