Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
