i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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