Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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