My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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