We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
