I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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