I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
