arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
