Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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