I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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