why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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